Why I Suck at Drinking
Suckatdrinking
adam kroft looking at an empty glass and scowling in the redthread office

Don Draper might smite me, but whiskey tastes awful. There’s nothing pleasant about foul smelling cough syrup stirred together with a bit of regret with a hint of gasoline. One of the common chants heard in the office is “Krofty take a shot. Krofty take a shot,” which is usually followed up by a face akin to one of Santa’s helpers being told that Christmas is cancelled. Thanks to Mr. Brendon Henning’s Snapchat (@btastee), you can see that face here:

So despite my inability to drink what is considered ‘cool,’ here’s what I enjoy to drink:

  • Electric Lemonade. This is my go-to drink. Know why? Because it doesn’t taste like alcohol. I am struggling to find pleasure and reasoning why someone would enjoy the taste of alcohol. And if someone says it’s an “acquired taste” they’re a liar and probably a communist. Electric lemonade can be described as three to four shots of rum mixed with Red Bull, sugar-free of course.
  • Rum and Coke. See, this is progressively becoming more macho. I like rum and coke, simply because it tastes like vanilla coke. And it doesn’t taste like alcohol! Are you seeing a common theme here?
  • A Flying Monkey. Now I’ve only had this drink once at Granite City during happy hour, but since this picture below describes my level of seriousness in alcohol consumption, I felt it was appropriate.

Here’s me enjoying a Flying Monkey after a softball win. It was delicious.

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In summary, I suck at drinking. I have the palette of a sixteen-year-old girl trapped in the body of a hairy twenty-three-year old. Nevertheless, it’s in my job description to drink with clients. Well, I suck at it. So if you’d like to train me or want some post 5pm amusement from watching me take a shot of whiskey let’s meet up at your favorite bar.

-Krofty

When I first started out in advertising I had no idea where to look for inspiration so I decided to look toward the things that I knew. This ranged from movies to music to books.
As you may know, it’s hard to run a creative agency without a Graphic Designer. Lucky for me, I’m Red Thread’s Designer. But my role goes far beyond just making logos.